When we're going after big goals in life, it can be deceptively sexy to psych ourselves up by portraying a tough, "can do" attitude in the face of challenges. Motivating ourselves is an important part of setting and achieving goals--as long as we do it the right way.
In my family, we were all about persevering through tough times and challenges. "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" And, when the going got even tougher, we leaned in and pushed through it. We didn't talk much about our feelings, and working harder was the antidote for almost anything that might ail you.
I carried this mantra around with me for years. It's likely what made me such a persistent and goal-driven person. It's also, undoubtedly, part of what made me an injury-prone distance runner for the better part of two decades.
Determined to face every challenge in pursuit of my goals, I ran through several significant injuries over the years and caused new injuries in the process by over-training. Eventually, it got the better of me.
In 2010, I ran a half-marathon with a herniated disk and seriously strained my iliotibial band due to the modified gait I'd adopted to compensate for my pain. Two weeks later, I ran another half-marathon and barely made it to the finish line. Another two weeks later, I ran two races--back to back--in a 24-hour window and lost the feeling in my lower legs for a couple of days. A month after that, while doing chores around the house, my back went into a spasm that left me unable to move or even call for help for several hours.
My mantra had done more than just motivate me to accomplish challenges. It also taught me to hide struggle and discomfort for a long time because toughing things out meant that I was strong, and anything less meant that I was weak. But in life, there are moments when we just need to take a seat on the curb for a bit and acknowledge that courage means we're showing up and doing hard things.
Sometimes, what doesn't kill us doesn't make us stronger. Sometimes it just knocks us down and gives us bruises. Sometimes, we are even broken for a while. It's appropriate and, yes, HEALTHY to feel those struggles.
When we try to numb out discomfort--be it through denial, medication, various forms of addiction, or sheer willpower--we find ourselves in the midst of even more struggle in life. This behavior launches us into a vicious cycle that can spiral out of control in little time and damage the very roots of life's joys.
Unless you never strive for anything in your life, struggle and discomfort--and, sometimes, even pain--is simply unavoidable. But, it's not about avoiding struggle, anyway. It's about what we do with the discomfort.
Hiding struggle doesn't make us stronger. And, it's time to stop glorifying the act of toughing it out. After all, connection, love and belonging--both within ourselves and others--are all essential to the core of humanity.
It doesn't make you weak to face your struggles and acknowledge discomfort in the pursuit of courageous goals in life. It makes you human. And there is nothing more brave than that.
Download my FREE Strengths Inventory worksheet to discover your personal power, leverage your strengths to overcome obstacles, and achieve your biggest goals. This worksheet is perfect if you want to live your most authentic and courageous life!
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